Falling

In the above photograph, I am being struck in the face and also in danger of being choked unconscious. Relaxing, recreational Saturday evening, this is not. I did indeed go into battle on May 10, 2014 as referenced in my previous post. Long story short, I lost via decision after 3 rounds of combat. Not the outcome I desired at all. And a very painful experience. The physical damage was merely superficial. I was punched, kicked, and put in rather precarious positions all throughout the bout. All of which can be viewed in the video below: 

 The physical bumps and bruises fail to compare to the mental anguish that ensued at the conclusion of combat. In the aftermath of battle, a wave of doubt crept into my thoughts. The questions that have been hounding me throughout the entire climb to the apex of the fight itself, finally catch up as the denouement of the whole affair has me battered due to the fall. The sensation of falling short despite all the work and preparation. Despite sacrifice, effort, and exhaustion. I still fell. It is disheartening to say the least. The situation can seem distressful and dismal. Depressing and hopeless. It can seem that all that time was for naught. That the notion of setting one's self for a fall is a foolish venture. However, one simple fact helps me silence all of the doubt that attempts to keep me chained. Love, stemming from the people that support me and from the sensation that training martial arts gives me. A sense of fulfillment and enjoyment that no other activity can emulate. Is losing painful? By all means, the answer is yes. The only thing that would cause me to suffer more would be to not have the ability to lose. Because that would mean that the avenue of pursuing martial arts would be kept away from me as well. So as excruciatingly miserable the state of losing is. As much as the fall hurts after such a climb. The mere sensation of pain is reminder that I am alive. And that pain will subside. But what will not wilt will be my desire to get right back on the path. To continue to climb despite past falls. To reach, despite not getting what I desired before. Because a juvenile bird will fall many times before finally feeling the sensation of flight. I am no bird and one can call me a fool. But this fool will continue to climb no matter how painful falling is. Because my goal is to not reach unattainable heights. I just merely enjoy climbing and the scenery is just a plus.

In the end I may be merely a loser. And also a deluded simpleton. Sadly though, I fail to respond to public perception of my character. So if one asks where I am or where I am going. Merely point up because that is where I plan to be. No matter how high the fall is.